Spring has sprung, but it's still got something up it's sleave

The earth signs are changing and spring is so close everyone is getting restless. How it comes in Ohio is interesting. It's either warming or going to be cold again this year. Never a constant state of spring, not yet at least.
I just wish there was something to pass the time before the garden can be planted. I spend my time starting seeds inside and eagerly awaiting permanent warmth. I hope to pass time quicker by watching seedlings grow in my kitchen window and I check them about ever 3 hours.
....I know, my life's so tough isn't it

Even Winston is growing impatiant, I can tell. He likes to go outside on the warm days and when the cold days return he forgets about them and asks to be taken out only to turn around three paces off the last step.
Cassie is finding it hard to motivate herself to do anything on the cold days. I would have to agree with her, it's so much easier to do stuff when all the windows are open and a warm breeze flows through the house.
It's so interesting to me to think about how I naturally personify air movement just because it's spring air. >.<

My curiosity is out in full force, worse then normal. Anything I don't know how to do I look up on the internet. I'm striving to be in a state of constant learning. If I was honest I would say that I miss the challenge of it.
I'm in a season of self discovery right now, and I'm changing more every day. I'm finding who I am on my own. I look at people from my past and miss the ideas they represented, but not them. I enjoy the high that only hard work can bring. I live in a pattern of hunger for more knowledge. I'm setteling into my life of constant companionship, and love it. She is always there to make lunch when I spend an entire day reviving an old vegitable garden. We spend alot of time just sitting and talking, and i'm secertly trying to memorize everything about everymoment. My mind is always filled with "how do you do *blank*" or "I don't want to forget how this moment feels". It's an eb and flow, a constant tide of one giving way to the other.
All in all, it's a good place to be.

From here on out I'm not sure where this state of being is going to take me. I have an ever tugging desire to do something in this world, something bigger then just me. I'm finding selflessness in alot of places. Giving up figurative ground for the sake of goodness. I'm facinated by things like monks and personal spirituality. More specificly Trascendentalism.
I worry about myself though, I don't like the idea of self importance. We have been down that road before, and it led to places I'm glad I'm not anymore. I really like to focus on the connection with the world around me though, and specificly finding my place in it's movements.

Thats the thing about my life though, it's always changing. I enjoy the changes, the pick ups and goes and the sits and waits. Never during, but only after. For now I'll sit and wait to see what comes to pass and be content with learning everything I don't allready know. This may just become my lifes passion, and that would be ok with me.

Everybody is waiting for something.

I'm frustrated, angry even.
I'm feeling lost in a world that spins around me
Always wishing for more
it's my human condition

All hope for humanity is left inside the words of
"wait and see"
My microcosm isn't important in the big picture
I hope to remember that

These days are cold
but not dark

I will survive

working on new things

just a promise of things to come :)

On this day may liberty stand

A breath of life so badly needed

Something good at noon will come

Mankind on long standing statue

Just to glemps a single man

A single flame of hope

Please, oh gods shine down on him

We all believe He is our out

Our gathering of collective hopes

The fusion of our dreams

May no thing stop that beating heart

May no person’s ill will be finished

For all we have is one

One chance at a better end

One chance at our future

When this day be done

The celebration be finished

We go about our business

Of pulling ourselves up

To stand again

For this day at least

All things could come

Nothing out of reach


For we have one man

One flame

One hope

We are a people

Who only needs one

This winter’s cold is over

Our Family has come home

Let us stand

Chest puffed out

For we are something again

We are strong

And again

Just for a day

A moment maybe

The world forgot to breathe

Because a sleeping giant was born again

How lucky I am to be alive

Well, I feel I should appoligize in advance. This is going to be a long post and if your use to my usual rambalings this is not going to be it. If your someone in cyber world, who haven't met me or have no clue where Trenton, Ohio is then you may want to skip this post.


Why am I lucky to be alive you ask? Well I can anwser in a few short words, but the shortest anwser I can make is an easy one....Cassie Dyer (though not for long)

I'm sure I'm not the first head over heals, love struck, 20 something who has dreams of changing the world and making it a better place just because I want everyone to feel the same way I do. But, if you live in my mind, I am. Cassie came into my life in a way that I find fitting for the person I would ultimently decide I would love to add to myself and tourture for the rest of my life with my small (though, sometimes large) annoying quarks.

I hated her.

That seems really kind of funny to me now. She was the girl who walked into class wearing her boyfriend's (at the time) wrinkeld shirt that didn't match her old sweatpants but did sort of match her long "frumpy" hair.

It's only appropriate though, that she is the thing that saved me. Mind you, not the sort of saved that hand up from a cliff's edge that you find yourself hanging over would be. More like the kind of saved that a letter from you future self telling you that if you don't change how you are your going to end up rather old with no one but the multitude of cats you seemed to have collected to attend your funeral.

She is the very thing that has taken from point A to point B, and someplace in my per verbal gut I know that point B isn't the end of this ride.
Yes, we don't agree on our favorite tv show. Yes, it drives me crazy how she is perpetually locking doors while we are home. But, I LOVE HER.

I would compaire our love to a butterfly. Not in the respect that it's not the same as any other love that has ever lived, or that it's the only thing in my life that can "fly". More in the respect that we had to be shut up in a small space for a bit to realize just how awesome she is. Trust me, it's the best case of pink eye in all of recorded human history. (remember we are living inside my head for a bit)

It's weird how the affection and returned love of this girl has changed me. I can only call it an awakening on many fronts. It's been two and a half years or so now, and almost a year since the great proposal, but I'm still finding things that only she can bring out in me. I now have a reason to fight, and by fight I mean to the death. I now have a reason to wake up and do stuff, I know I did stuff before but it seems different now. Lets call it, wake up with a purpose. I'm not going to say that every day is to make her feel like the perfect angel, most beautul princess, shining jewel that she is. And I really mean that when I say (or type) that. Some days it's just to hang out with her. The line betwen love of my life, best friend, and family has long since blurry. Somewhere In all of that blur, I have found the very thing that compels me to live my life to fullest.

I'm looking forward into time a bit, but am getting very excited about May 2nd. On that day I plan on celbrating the true begining of the second part of my life. I couldn't have been more lucky finding someone to spend forever with. I can't believe how much fun this is going to be. In my mind it's a day to bring everyone that we love together into one place and have a celebration on how great our life is going to be. I really can't wait. I think that there is going to be a moment that I look around and memorize everything about it that I can and hold on to that memory forever as the most perfect moment that has ever been and ever will be.
Inside my head, I don't think that there is anything more important to me then that day, and I have never felt anticipation like I do now for a day.

It's a kind of percular thought how that day is going to mean the world to Cassie and I and yet will just be some day to other people. Thats another blog though.

I enjoy feeling young for the moment. I enjoy feeling how forever with her could be literary anything that we chose. I expect that feeling to fade with age, but for now it's the most defining emotion of this time in my life. It's a cool thought to think that these feelings have been shared with most people through out history. From the surfs to the kings, most have been where I stand at this moment. It's times like these that make me feel so small and yet so connected to life.

I really feel that I need to do something so that I can always remember what "now" feels like. I have been reading the different ways people record feelings of events and times in their lives. Most of the things people have done I see in black in white, either really something cool or rather lame. I'm not sure what to do yet though, it's got to be something increadable though, nothing run of the mill or has been done loads of times is going to do.
I'm going to start by trying to find something that incorporates everything up until now.

To end on a quote, (well sorda) I'm beginning to see "sunny days that I think will never end".

The most powerful set of words ever written

All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope

Alexandre Dumas

thrifty vegitable oil lamps, how cool!

Check this out!

http://www.judyofthewoods.net/lamp.html

Cool idea for the garden at night. I don't think I have ever wanted spring to come as much as I do now. I have big plans for my new little house and I want to get to work.
New white picket fence or a few rasied beds and a nice koi pond to boot.