How lucky I am to be alive

Well, I feel I should appoligize in advance. This is going to be a long post and if your use to my usual rambalings this is not going to be it. If your someone in cyber world, who haven't met me or have no clue where Trenton, Ohio is then you may want to skip this post.


Why am I lucky to be alive you ask? Well I can anwser in a few short words, but the shortest anwser I can make is an easy one....Cassie Dyer (though not for long)

I'm sure I'm not the first head over heals, love struck, 20 something who has dreams of changing the world and making it a better place just because I want everyone to feel the same way I do. But, if you live in my mind, I am. Cassie came into my life in a way that I find fitting for the person I would ultimently decide I would love to add to myself and tourture for the rest of my life with my small (though, sometimes large) annoying quarks.

I hated her.

That seems really kind of funny to me now. She was the girl who walked into class wearing her boyfriend's (at the time) wrinkeld shirt that didn't match her old sweatpants but did sort of match her long "frumpy" hair.

It's only appropriate though, that she is the thing that saved me. Mind you, not the sort of saved that hand up from a cliff's edge that you find yourself hanging over would be. More like the kind of saved that a letter from you future self telling you that if you don't change how you are your going to end up rather old with no one but the multitude of cats you seemed to have collected to attend your funeral.

She is the very thing that has taken from point A to point B, and someplace in my per verbal gut I know that point B isn't the end of this ride.
Yes, we don't agree on our favorite tv show. Yes, it drives me crazy how she is perpetually locking doors while we are home. But, I LOVE HER.

I would compaire our love to a butterfly. Not in the respect that it's not the same as any other love that has ever lived, or that it's the only thing in my life that can "fly". More in the respect that we had to be shut up in a small space for a bit to realize just how awesome she is. Trust me, it's the best case of pink eye in all of recorded human history. (remember we are living inside my head for a bit)

It's weird how the affection and returned love of this girl has changed me. I can only call it an awakening on many fronts. It's been two and a half years or so now, and almost a year since the great proposal, but I'm still finding things that only she can bring out in me. I now have a reason to fight, and by fight I mean to the death. I now have a reason to wake up and do stuff, I know I did stuff before but it seems different now. Lets call it, wake up with a purpose. I'm not going to say that every day is to make her feel like the perfect angel, most beautul princess, shining jewel that she is. And I really mean that when I say (or type) that. Some days it's just to hang out with her. The line betwen love of my life, best friend, and family has long since blurry. Somewhere In all of that blur, I have found the very thing that compels me to live my life to fullest.

I'm looking forward into time a bit, but am getting very excited about May 2nd. On that day I plan on celbrating the true begining of the second part of my life. I couldn't have been more lucky finding someone to spend forever with. I can't believe how much fun this is going to be. In my mind it's a day to bring everyone that we love together into one place and have a celebration on how great our life is going to be. I really can't wait. I think that there is going to be a moment that I look around and memorize everything about it that I can and hold on to that memory forever as the most perfect moment that has ever been and ever will be.
Inside my head, I don't think that there is anything more important to me then that day, and I have never felt anticipation like I do now for a day.

It's a kind of percular thought how that day is going to mean the world to Cassie and I and yet will just be some day to other people. Thats another blog though.

I enjoy feeling young for the moment. I enjoy feeling how forever with her could be literary anything that we chose. I expect that feeling to fade with age, but for now it's the most defining emotion of this time in my life. It's a cool thought to think that these feelings have been shared with most people through out history. From the surfs to the kings, most have been where I stand at this moment. It's times like these that make me feel so small and yet so connected to life.

I really feel that I need to do something so that I can always remember what "now" feels like. I have been reading the different ways people record feelings of events and times in their lives. Most of the things people have done I see in black in white, either really something cool or rather lame. I'm not sure what to do yet though, it's got to be something increadable though, nothing run of the mill or has been done loads of times is going to do.
I'm going to start by trying to find something that incorporates everything up until now.

To end on a quote, (well sorda) I'm beginning to see "sunny days that I think will never end".